Someone hand me the spork...

I may have to gouge my eyes out. Only because I think that would be considerably less painful than other procedures one could perform with a spork. Or maybe not... but hey! the eyes are readily available. And it makes for a nice mental picture.

Some things make me ponder what goes through other people's minds. Forgive me for being vague, but I'm gonna be. Oy.

Annnnnnnnnnyways, I was going to post for hump day this week, but I'm late... late for hump day!!! Geesh.

I feel like humping things anyways, so here it goes.

Hump M&M's. I had a brief love affair with you a couple of weeks ago. It was intense, mindblowingly breathtaking... it was HAWT. I cut you loose and haven't looked back, but when I saw your picture in the Food Basics flyer for $2.49 this week... twofreakingfortynine... OH EM GEE... I had to catch my breath. So help me, I won't look into your eyes until this flyer is no longer applicable.

Hump Christmas cards. My hand is cramped, my brain is fried, and I think I may be feeling just a teensy bit queasy at all the nice writing that I had to do this week.

Hump the library lady who thought I was the most AWESOMEST mom eva for hooking my kid up with a laptop and headphones and a Mighty Machines dvd while I printed some stuff at the library this afternoon. And she wasn't being facetious. She really thought I was cool. And for once, someone in this world thought 'man, I wish she was MY mom!'

Hump those two frigging dogs of my neighbours. The ones that keep trying to dig their way under my fence to canoodle with Whiskey (the dog people, the DOG!). And her recall SUCKS when this happens, I can stand at the patio door hollering "Whiskey!!! Whiskey!!! Come!!! " for 15 minutes and that dog would act like she was 90 with no hearing aids. Dick. And then my neighbours look at me funny. Or funnier, depending on how many times this has happened in a day. Dicks.

Hump my four readers. Okay, so there's only three of you, but I'll just randomly hope that some poor pitiful person has stumbled across my blog and is entranced by my wit and charm and checks everyday in the hopes that theres something new and clever to read.

Hump people that are going to send me to therapy. Seriously. I hump you.